The Bachelor Bus

OK, this post isn't going to be all about the ride, but it has a nice rhythm to it, don't you think??? It was nice, thought. A great way to party and not have to worry about driving home. I was the last guy they picked up.


I did tell my wife that we were in a "party bus" instead of telling her it was a nice stretch limo with open bar. I'm pretty sure she would have had more of a problem with not having gotten to ride in a limo than with me going to a strip club with the guys, but more on that part later.

Our first stop was for dinner at Texas Loosey's, a restaurant I used to love YEARS ago, but thought they had all gone out of business. If memory serves, they used to serve traditional steaks and many varieties of burger, along with some great Texas red chili. The menu hasn't changed much, still great food. The other attraction is the waitresses. Know how a lot of times girls will dress up for Halloween, but whatever the costume choice is, you can usually put the modifier "slutty" in front of it??? Picture slutty cow girl costumes, that's pretty much it. Seems to me that they used to have suede push up vests with tons of cleavage, but these days its more like a halter top with an open leather vest over it. Short shorts with leather chaps round out the costume. My nephew was duly impressed, especially with the barkeeper gal. The waitresses tried their best to talk him out of marriage, and when unsuccessful, posed with him for a Polaroid. We finished up by telling the barkeeper to give us some kind of shot, her best choice. I don't remember what it was called, but it was a variant of the red headed slut.

Back in the party bus, we took one guy (father of the bride, ha!!!) home, it was already getting late for him. A quick stop at the liquor store to replenish the bar, where one of the guys picked up a copy of Club magazine that came with a DVD for my nephew. The bus had a DVD player, but in our state none of us could get it to work.

The final stop of the evening was Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. Nice place. If you're not familiar with the local regulations on such establishments, I shall enlighten you, an it is pertinent to later happenings. If you serve alcohol, the poonanny must remain hidden. Ergo, if you want to see a full nude show, you will be drinking apple juice or Perrier. Nope, we were drinking beer and seeing nothing but boobies. Life is good. Something I found interesting, at both this club and the concert the following evening, the music was loud, but not deafening to a point where normal conversation is difficult.

The girl doing her stage routine when we came in was a tall, tattooed blond, looked like a rocker type. After she finished her set and put her top back on, she came right to me. Guess she caught me lookin'!!! "Would you like to have a dance???" "No, not for me, but you know what??? It's my nephew's bachelor party, why don't you do a little number for him???" Money changed hands, and I bought him his first lap dance of the evening.

It has been quite some time since I've been to such an establishment. On my last visit, it seemed to be dominated my massive synthetic breasts. Not so much this time, there were a few, but the fakes that were there were mostly subtle, and several of the girls looked completely natural. Around the other side, though, I was seeing a LOT of cottage cheese!!! Hard times for such clubs, or just low standards??? Who knows???

One of the girls comes out, a light redhead with pale skin that makes you think the red is natural. Flexible!!! Amazingly flexible!!! And athletic and talented!!! After making a show of wrapping her legs around her head, she proceeded to climb to the top of the pole (must be at least 15 feet up), I swear she didn't use her hands at all!!! I was in awe. The arrangement of the stage has one main stage, then a side stage that the girls would do a second song on after their appearance on the main stage. I followed her to that stage to watch up close, and threw her a few ones. After she finished she came up to me and thanked me. I asked if that was her natural hair color (yes, I knew it!!!) and complimented her on her flexibility and pole prowess. She thanked me again, then asked, "So, do you wanna hang out???" I reply, "You know, I'm all outta cash..." "Bye." And she was gone like that. Nice thing about strippers, you always know where you stand with 'em!!!

But I keep getting out of sequence here. Prior to that, and a good part of the reason I was down on money: As I was sitting there enjoying the show and my beer, a brunette with a kinda long face and noticeably more clothing on than all the other girls comes up to me. She starts running her hands over my shoulders and neck, and whispers in my ear, "I've got the best deal going in this place, baby, all these other girls charge $20 a song for a dance, I'm only $6 a dance to do this" and she proceeds to start giving a deep neck rub. Duh, OK boss!!! Lets go!!! She applies some lotion to her hands and goes at it, unbuttoning a couple buttons on my shirt, running down my back, working my neck. OH YES!!! She stands in front of me and tells me, "Look down". I do so, and for a moment am looking straight down her scant cleavage before realizing she's having me do this to better rub my lower back. She stayed with me for several songs. It was the next day before it occurred to me what else she could be rubbing down with her lotion!!!

Another girl comes up to me and crouches down next to my chair. She's wearing skimpy boy shorts, and she tells me, "This is so embarrassing. I forgot to put on any panties under these shorts an' when I dance or move around they slip to the side an' my pussy shows." In my head, I'm laughing my ass off!!! She's embarrassed about this, so she calls attention to it??? Or was she worried that her lady bits would be seen in the presence of alcohol??? The only thing I could think to say, "O'rlly???"
She didn't miss a beat, "Yea, its so embarrassing, wanna go for a dance???" Thanks but no thanks.

Near the end of our time there, another girl comes up to me. Petite, black and with what I think was a Haitian or Caribbean accent. Nice enough, but not the kind I would go looking for personally. "Wanna dance, me sucky-sucky you long time???" I stare in disbelief, you can't do that kind of thing in a place like this, perhaps I misheard because of the accent??? She pantomimes the act so there could be no question. I'm starting to like her style. "I'm sorry, I'm low on cash." She replies, "There's the ATM, right over there." Then she reaches into my shirt pocket and pulls out my money clip, which looks fairly fat but is really just a few ones left over from the back rub girl. Hindsight, I should have told her she could have it all for a dance, I think it was only about $8. She goes on to one of the other guys in our party, and they go off for a private dance. She comes back some time later and tells me, "See that one girl??? The one with the long tank top on???" I say, just as she's saying, "Yea, covering her kinda big gut" She laughs. "She was staring at me while I was giving your friend a lotta dance. She jealous." I know there was more, but that's all I remember. I wasn't into her at all at first, but there was something engaging about her that made her my favorite of all. Perhaps it was that she didn't take a single dollar from me but still kept coming around and amusing me.

After last call, we all piled back into the bus for the ride home. Chauffeur Fred had gotten the DVD working for us, and it distracted us on the ride back. First time in a long time for any such hijinks, and it was a good time!!!